What Mother's Day Means To Me
I have always felt a bit odd on Mother's Day . . . odd and lost a bit. I don't recall spending wonderful. flower-filled Sundays with grandmothers or mothers as a child. Which seems odd to me now as an adult. Mother's Day was originally initiated as a way to show our mothers how much we as their children value their devotion and sacrifice, and how we appreciate the truth, purity and broad charity of a mother's love.
As I child I never had any of those feelings towards my own mother. I never had my own mother's devotion and she certainly never sacrificed anything for me. In fact, I am quite sure I went without a lot in order to feed her 4 pack of cigarettes / 12 bottles of Pepsi a day bad habits. I never felt pure love and absolutely never was shown any charity by my own mother.
Yes, I have a mother, but I don't have a mother. Which is an awkward position to be in at times. Attempting to explain to a stranger why one is estranged from their own mother is, well, annoying to me at times. I later learned to say, my parents are no longer in my life. This stops all looks and judgement (sometimes).
I never had trouble relating to my friends who had wonderful mothers. In fact, I devoured their interactions. What I did do was watch closely how these mothers treated their daughters and sons. I watched women that I admired over the years and took a bit of everyone of them. A piece, a memory, an endearing moment, a smile, a peal of laughter . . . these small moments that I tucked away to later use when I finally became a parent myself. I had to steal other's moments because I didn't have any of my own.
When I finally had a baby of my own, I insisted that this special day, Mother's Day, was my own to celebrate in the manner that I choose. I choose to be with my husband and my son and that was it. My first Mother's Day was perhaps the first Mother's Day that I really got it. If I need a mother's day idea, I look into my heart, thinking of my feelings on that first Mother's Day, my first year as a mother.
Over the years, I had a couple more children and my heart swelled to an even larger size, filling up with an abundnace of love. Last year was the most pleasant of Mother's Day for me . . . just quite simply a lovely day spent with my children and my husband.
This year I expect the same . . . I am thrilled to be part of a day that recognizes mothers and their many contributions. But in reality, mothers are something to be celebrated every day. I don’t need one day in 365 to be shown love and appreciation . . . I get that everyday!