Last month I had a consultation with my OB as to why I am not getting pregnant. She explained to me that in my advanced age, my fertility decreases. I asked the stupid question . . . how can this happen to me . . . I have three healthy children . . . I was able to conceive so easily every single time we have tried. (literally, one time, one try, for all my pregnancies)
So vials of blood were drawn and tested and some more blood was drawn and tested. On paper I look very good. Seriously, I should be conceiving! But I am not. The next suggestion is that my husband needed to be tested. Perhaps the problem lies with him now.
Dear hubbie did in fact go to the fertility clinic and leave a donation. AND HE WAS SO ANGRY when he came home. I was trying really hard not to giggle at him. He's grouchy by nature and it takes very little to set him off on a tirade. Well, I had completed all the necessary paperwork over the phone prior to his visit because I knew if he had to fill in one line of information he would march right out the door. To say he is difficult is putting it mildly.
The silly receptionist screwed it up the second she greeted my husband with my last name! I never took my husband's last name and this has been a thorn in his side from that day forward. If and when (because it does happen) someone calls him Mr. ME instead of Mr. HIM. Lordy Lordy, watch out! Well, that poor girl just had her day ruined I know!
My husband relayed the details to me while stomping and pacing the floors of our house. All the while, I am trying to hold my giggles. I ask him at the end of his tirade, "well did you at least get to watch a porno"? Yes, yes he did.
This is the message I received a couple of days ago from my OB. And she called me personallly which is not usually the case, "Your husband's analysis is fine. You are ovulatory. It could be that our fertility decreases with age and my recommendation and advice is for you to visit the fertility clinic and find out what your options are."
Good Luck and Good Bye.
This is where I am right now . . . do I want to proceed with a fertility clinic . . . I just don't know.
I have three beautiful, healthy children. Am I pushing my luck?
Am I asking for the impossible?
Am I being incredibly selfish?
Is God telling me my time for conceiving is at an end?
How long do I keep trying on my own?
If all my statistics are VERY GOOD, why am I not pregnant?
The other thoughts crossing my mind are how can I even complain?
What right do I have to complain that I am not getting pregnant when I know there are women who can not get pregnant and I have children already!
There are so many thoughts floating around in my head I can't keep them straight . . . I never thought I would have this right disappear from me . . . I thought I would get to decide when I want to stop having babies.