Random Tuesday Tantrums


So I was cleaning my house yesterday and my husband states . . . "didn't you just clean the house on Friday"? "Yes, yes I did", I reply, sighing heavily.
DH says "then why are you cleaning it again, today, Monday"?
And I reply . . . "because I live with a bunch of pigs and a dog".
Seriously, I cleaned my house TOP to BOTTOM on Friday and you would not even know it. There was tracked mud everywhere . . . but no one tracked mud in?? hummm?
Dog hair E.V.E.R.Y.W.H.E.R.E.
She is shedding her winter fur.
The kitchen was a disaster zone . . . even though after cooking a full turkey dinner yesterday I cleaned for 2 hours.
My dining room table has all the Easter baskets and pails and eggs and chocolate.
This I do not like because no one is allowed in this room!
Especially children with sticky little chocolate covered fingers and faces!
My husband has his piles of junk everywhere . . . workout bag, office bag, jacket, piles of dry cleaning, shoes, pile of papers, laptop, pile of newspaper (which will lay there until I deposit it into the recycle bin), more shoes and another jacket and now he has moved on to Guitar Hero . . . and all that 'stuff' is out now.
I scrubbed the toilets again and moved on to the floors and the baseboards and the walls and the doors.
I changed and washed all the bedding on every bed.
My house is sparking right now!
I love it!
I was whooped though!
Really tired.
I don't think this rain is helping though. (it rained all day Monday and will again today)
My children were all in bed AND asleep before 7:00 PM on Monday evening.
It was a delicious treat!

Sadly, I got my period yesterday morning . . . 10th month of NEGATIVES. Such heartache. Such sadness. Everywhere I look, someone is pregnant or pushing around a brand new baby. My desperation is leaving me in a state of neuroticism. I don't want to be sad. I want to be realistic. I am going to be 42 this year. I have 3 gorgeous children. I have a beautiful home and a handsome husband. We have a fabulous family with a great faith in GOD.
My husband told me the other day that the only reason is has agreed to have another baby is because of my sadness.
He asked me
"Will this make you smile more?
Will you be happy again with another baby?
What happens when this new baby grows up?
Will you be sad again and want another baby?"
All great questions . . . I don't like to think I would be sad again for wanting another child . . . a fifth child . . . I just always envisioned myself with four children.
Two boy and two girls.
I know this is ridiculous to think this way.
I can't plan my life in this manner.
I just want to be pregnant.
I wanted to be pregnant 10 months ago.
I wanted to have a baby before the end of 2010.
Now this time has passed.
I have an appointment next week with a reproductive endocrinologist and we will decide from that point based on the recommendations.
Sigh . . .

I was at the grocery store the other day(Saturday) and I stopped in the middle of the aisle - A BIG aisle sort of in front of another aisle - I needed to help my daughter as she was trying to climb out and I didn't want her to fall. This old lady was in the other aisle and CLEARLY HAD room to get by me - INSTEAD she huffs and waves her arms at me and tell me to move it. Literally she told me to move it. I was stopped for all of 9 seconds. I first said "PLEASE" really loud . . . then I told her to chill out and stop being so rude. Was this wrong of me? Am I supposed to respect my elders? She was just so damn rude and irritated me waving her arms like that. And she totally had room to get by me!

It's raining today . . . so dreary around here.