I Resolve To . . .

I can call 2008 many things, but it was definitely not dull. As this year winds to a close, I think of my New Year's resolutions. (I don't mind if 2009 is a little dull either) No water surfing, running marathons, or book writing ambitions here. Just hoping for a little peace and prosperity. Anyway, here are some of my top 2009 resolutions . . .

Ask the Lord for a little more patience (this is done on a daily basis, I'm just hoping to heed His words more)

Read the Bible every day (I purchased a new Bible and this will be my morning must read with coffee)

Be a bit nicer to my husband (I say this every year and I usually last until mid-March or so . . . right about the time of spring break vacation, he blows it for me by not helping and I become all crazy mom again)

Working out . . . I can't say work out more because I literally DO NOT exercise- E.V.E.R! (And it is starting to catch up with me and show! Five pounds in 2007 and five pounds in 2008. That is 10 pounds that I need to lose in 2009. I vow to eat more responsibly . . . no more chocolate peanut butter cups . . . frankly, they are banned from this house in 2009 . . .no more chips with french onion dip . . . my meals and NO snacking . . . I really don't see myself succeeding in this resolution . . . the snacking anyway. I do vow to exercise!)

Take more time for myself. (this is something that I NEVER do. Really and seriously, I suck at being selfish. I do everything and anything for my children and family. I always forget about myself and it shows . . . in my sheer exhaustion . . . I don't exercise, I don't eat correctly, I do not sleep well, my skin is havoc, my wardrobe is full of T-shirts, my teeth need to be cleaned and my hair needs to be cut and properly dyed and I need new glasses! I have asked my husband before to help me out with time for me, but he lays a guilt trip on my almost as bad as I do myself. This is unfair to me, unfair of him and unfair of the children. I can be a better wife and mother if I am willing to be more selfish. I will work on this in 2009)

Have a baby! (this has been at the top of my list in 2007 and 2008 . . . it has yet to happen and thus, has moved down on the list. Although in my heart, having a baby is still my number one must do. I yearn and ache for another baby, so much so that I can't be around new babies without almost full out bawling. My husband has been less than anything about having another child. He has been sternly adamant that he did not want another child. Recently he has changed his mind and of course, I started really clocking myself. (not like I wasn't before, but he wasn't interested) Alas, we have been doing the baby dance for four months now and no baby news yet. I am heartbroken and sad over this. Perhaps my time has passed. I try not to get mad at my husband over this either, but it is so hard because I was waiting for two years for him to decide and now that he has, it may be too late. I know all the risks that are involved with 'my advanced maternal age', but I always wanted four children . . . in my heart, I know this is my destiny. I also know that it is incredibly selfish of me to want another child when my husband did not. But how could I turn off the ache that I felt and still feel. I yearn for another baby in my arms and I do hope that we are blessed in 2009 with baby blue crowns . . . but I will gleefully take more pink tiaras and tutus tantrums!)

I see myself as a work in progress, not all bad by any means, but I am threading together my learned experiences so I can become better and a better person. For me, I tally up all the things that are working in my life. Everyone is healthy in my home and there is stability right now.

Wishing you a fabulous
May All Your Days Be Bright

tiarastantrums29 Comments