My son, now seven years old, was conceived in New Orleans. Really, he was. Fantastic romantic getaway in March 2001. First time trying at the baby dance was a success. We were over the moon happy.
My daughter, was conceived in Maui in December 2002. Gorgeous Ritz Carlton, fabulous food, beautiful beaches. Second try at the baby dance was a success the first go around. We were elated. Could I ask for a more romantic place?
Yes, yes I can and I did.
Baby girl, was conceived in Phuket, Thailand in October 2005. This was the most romantic of all places to conceive. We stayed at the Sheraton Grande Laguna in a Golf Villa. We had a private chef cook for us on our last evening – absolute heaven! Sixth time at the baby dance (three miscarries in between daughter and baby girl) was a success as well.
Now, I have been ready for the next conception since I birthed my last baby. Seriously, no joke. My husband, on the other hand has needed some prodding, some begging, some coaxing to get to this conception. I have waited patiently for two years for an okay. I have clocked and timed each month for the past two years and would gently remind him each month that this would be an optimal moment. During those moments, my husband wouldn't even hold my hand. (as if sperm can float through my hands to my ovaries) Literally, hubbie would not come near me at all during ovualtion copulation time. Sad days for me. I don't really know what changed his mind . . . I am too afraid to ask because he may reverse his decision. I do think it had a bit to do with my son saying to his father . . "don't you feel sorry for me daddy" "why, son" "Becuase I don't have any brothers, isn't that sad daddy?". After that comment from my son (unprovoked I say!), hubbie was on board for another baby.
This time around . . . we are, umm, dancing in our bedroom. And I am not conceiving. Each month I clock it, I temp it, I count it, I time it. I buy boxes and boxes of pregnancy tests and take them . . . five days early, four days early,one day early, the day of expectation, that day after. All tests are a big negative. The first month of the baby dance I was sure that I was pregnant. The day I was expecting my period, I took a pregnancy test the very minute I woke up. It was the first pregnancy test I had taken in over three years so I was a bit rusty you might say. I tinkled and said a little prayer and waited. Two lines . . . really, well, of course, two lines, I thanked God 12 times quickly and ran to my son's room (because that was where my husband happened to have ended up that night/morning). I woke him up and said "here, here, look at this, it's postitive." He first gave me a hug and said congratulations. Then he looked at the stick . . . and kept looking at it. He says next, "umm, hon, I don't think you are reading this right. Shouldn't there be a positive sign or something? Not just two lines?" So I ran back to my bathroom to read the directions. Oh, such defeat in that moment. He was right . . . it was negative. Oh, I am so stupid . . . I said another little prayer to God telling him what a complete dork I am. Seriously, how could I have been so stupid? I was very sad. Not pregnant, how could that be. Whenever hubbie and I have tried, we are pregnant. Just.Like.That. I was so shocked to see that negative, really.
The next month comes around. Five more test. Five more negatives. Waves of shock wash over me. Disbelief is all I have. I happen to have a monthly checkup that month and speak with my Dr about this new issue. She says be patient . . . be mindful of timing . . . see me in four months if you are still not pregnant. And she hands me a pamphlet on Mirena to take home. Hum?
The following month. I have decided that I will not take any early detection tests. I will wait until the expected day and then take a test. Well, no tests were needed that month. Very upset that month. Trying to stay upbeat and not get depressed. How could this baby dance be so hard? I am pondering this almost daily.
This past month rolls around and I take early detection tests at four days and one day early. Both are negative. Then I take a pregnancy test at three days late and five days late. Both negative. What the heck is going on I think? How could this be happening? Disappointment. Heartache. Frustration. Anger. Stress.
This month . . . I clock, I time, I chart, I temp . . . and I call my husband and tell him to come home from work RIGHT now because in ONE HOUR will be the MOST optimal time for the baby dance. He complies. I am on a mission, any hint of romance is thrown to the curb with all the negative pregnancy tests. And, how could he turn me down for a lunch time delight? He's a man right?
He walks in and says, "can I eat lunch first." I say, "no you may not. The girls are watching Wow Wow Wubbzy and we have 30 minutes of non-interrupted time." Off he walks and yells to me, "I'll be upstairs. Why don't you put those boots on?" (timing is everything, but it doesn’t mean that I can’t plan a little something extra AND making it a little more exciting can take the pressure to perform off hubbie and result in success)
Later, he says, "you know, you really need to relax a bit. You are never going to get pregnant if you don't relax." Really? YOU THINK? (Obviously, when you are attempting something as life changing as having a baby, there is going to be some stress)