Comments on Tiaras & Tantrums: Is it ever OK to discipline your friend's kids?

Yes! No! I don't know. I have a friend who has st...

2009-12-05T12:48:40.485-06:00

Yes! No! I don't know. I have a friend who has strict house rules (that's ok) but when I'm around she doesn't follow thru. She's made it clear that she's fine with me disciplining her children, but I'M not ok with it. That's her job, esp in her house, ya know? (She will tell her son "no chocolate" and then he will go behind her back and get it. Really not sure about that boy.)

As for my own kids, sometimes I feel that others disciplining them is like they are saying "You aren't attending to your children!" but quite honestly, I can't pay attention to them ALL the time, esp and try to have a conversation with another adult.

It's all so confusing.

I have a strong opinion on this and it happens to ...

2009-11-23T04:16:16.929-06:00

I have a strong opinion on this and it happens to be on your side. If the parent is not going to stop their child and that child is hurting my child? I WILL stop that child. Period. I don't care if it's a stranger's child.

If a kid is being obnoxious I would probably let i...

2009-11-21T11:34:37.144-06:00

If a kid is being obnoxious I would probably let it slide, but if a kid is causing physical harm to my daughter then I think I'd certainly say something.

I had an instance at the park the other week where a girl was older and overzealous and kept picking up my daughter every chance she got and trying to literally carry her around the playground. I didn't like it, but my daughter was cool with it and she wasn't being mean.

I think you were in the right to protect your child. You didn't spank the kid, you just gave them the evil eye and told him in so many words to cut it out. No problem in my book.

Ah, the question of the ages. My reaction depends...

2009-11-20T11:35:30.875-06:00

Ah, the question of the ages. My reaction depends on the kid's parents. Some parents can handle it- some can't.

I don't think you did anything wrong though.

Oh, another thing. I wasn't always the way that I...

2009-11-20T09:05:08.515-06:00

Oh, another thing. I wasn't always the way that I am now. I used to be embarrassed about stopping people's kids from misbehaving in my house or around me because I was afraid to "cross the line". Until I realized that a lot of parents were oblivious to their kids' behavior because either it had become "white noise" to them or they just couldn't handle their own child so they stopped trying. I remember a couple of kids years ago who came to my house and were sitting, and jumping on, the dryer's door. Back then I was too young and didn't want to cross the line. If it happened today I would stop the conversation, physically remove them from the dryer and told them that in MY house they were not allowed to do that because if they broke it they're parents were going to have to pay for it.

Honestly I go both ways on this one. I have frien...

2009-11-19T20:48:10.629-06:00

Honestly I go both ways on this one. I have friends who discipline my children and vice versa - these friends are close to me and I have no problem with them stepping in and correcting my childs behavior if it needs it. However, there is a line for me. If I just met you or this is one of only a few meetings and you have a problem with my child, I believe the issue should be addressed to me. If I don't know you then I do not know your parenting style and anything you have an issue with can be brought up to me and I'll address it if necessary. That being said...safety should never come second. I don't think what you did crossed a line and if it was me I would be fine with it. If you had gone all crazy on my kid - then maybe not so much, but what you did was what any caring mother might have done.
~K

If another child is hurting one of my kids and the...

2009-11-19T19:22:55.444-06:00

If another child is hurting one of my kids and their parent isn't doing anything, I always step in. Also, if a friend's kid is about to get hurt, I step in. (Or a stranger's kid like at a park or something.) It might be pushy but I can't just stand by and watch it happen.

The line was crossed when her kids went too far an...

2009-11-19T19:07:06.758-06:00

The line was crossed when her kids went too far and she did nothing about it. You showed your friend that that behavior may ok for her, but it's not ok for you.

Next time, she'll hopefully be stronger with the discipline.

I think you were fine. Really.

You did the right thing because if she's not going...

2009-11-19T17:16:20.426-06:00

You did the right thing because if she's not going to discipline her child when he hurts someone else, then you have every right to tell him that what he did was not acceptable in your home or around your child.

I would discipline another's child if they were just sitting there doing nothing.

I'm lucky that I don't have a lot of friends with ...

2009-11-19T16:58:05.568-06:00

I'm lucky that I don't have a lot of friends with kids, and the ones that do have them don't care one bit if I discipline their children. But I am a parent's worst nightmare because I don't care if they like it or not, if kid is bothering me, I tell them in no uncertain terms to stop whatever they're doing NOW. I don't really care if the parents like it or not. If they cared about me and how I feel they wouldn't let the little monsters behave like that.

You know, if they're just being buckwild and crazy...

2009-11-19T15:58:25.703-06:00

You know, if they're just being buckwild and crazy, that's one thing. But when they cause YOUR CHILD harm, then you have an absolute right to step in. Period. I think what you did was perfectly fine.

I belong to an etiquette board, and this issue com...

2009-11-19T13:40:50.611-06:00

I belong to an etiquette board, and this issue comes up all the time.

Basically, the rule is that if they are going to hurt themselves or others, safety trumps etiquette.

However, if they are being annoying or not in danger, it's not really another parent's job to step in.

You did the right thing and what I would have done...

2009-11-19T13:39:54.200-06:00

You did the right thing and what I would have done.

My friends and I all have an understanding and we all get on to each others kids if they are being bad.

I will not let another child hurt one of mine without me saying a word...no way!

I think you the right thing. you can't just stand...

2009-11-19T13:28:38.463-06:00

I think you the right thing. you can't just stand back and let someone else's child hurt yours. If your friend's not going to handle it then you owe it to your child to do so. If she doesn't like that it's probably because she knows she was in the wrong.

i don't think you did anything wrong honestly. i'...

2009-11-19T12:58:50.788-06:00

i don't think you did anything wrong honestly. i've had to do the same thing and i look at it like this; SOMEBODY's gotta do something when things are getting out of control. it's not ok to let a child hurt another child.

i know she's your friend but if she's not going to be in control then she needs to not get upset at you when you are doing her job for her. if i were her, and so busy at the moment that i couldn't handle everything that was going on, i would have thanked you.

plus, i'm SURE you would have done the same thing if it would have been your child hurting hers.

I do it. I am a parent that will put another kid ...

2009-11-19T10:31:26.614-06:00

I do it. I am a parent that will put another kid in place if need be. I don't care who is watching.

From that - I've had parents ask for advice on their children, and one couple asked me to move in.