Bored while waiting
Sunday night I was getting backpacks ready for school . . . and I had one more than normal.
I usually only have two, but this past Sunday, I had three.
I was teary because of this third backpack . . . my husband came up behind me and asked if I was okay, which I replied, almost in tears, 'no, no I'm not, my life is over'.
He, of course, started to laugh.
Knowing what I was doing but not really knowing why I would be sad about it.
He has no idea what I was sad about.
How could he, he goes to work everyday.
I am at home, have been at home since the day my son was born, seven years ago.
I do everything for my children.
My children have been with me pretty much every moment of their lives (I don't believe in babysitters except on a very rare occasion).
Baby girl especially, since I fear she is my last.
Always by my side, she sleeps with me on my pillow, in my arms still.
I'm just not ready to let her go.
But she has been crying and I do mean with real big, fat tears, to go to school for five months now.
Baby girl started Pee Wee Preschool on Monday morning for 2½ year old children.
She was so excited and I was excited for her, really I was.
I was not going to ruin this for her being sad, REALLY.
She was skipping about all morning asking for school every 12 seconds.
We dropped off sister first and then had to wait a bit for her class to start.
She is such a champ . . .waited patiently . . . first in line . . . marched right in the door . . . smiling and saying hello to her teachers.
She promptly picked a table and went right to work at Playdoh.
I was standing there thinking, is she going to be okay, should I hang around.
All the while baby girl is not looking at me at all.
She is completely ignoring me.
So I said, 'momma is going' and she said 'okay momma bye' WITHOUT LOOKING UP!
I asked for a kiss, which she gave me and I was off.
I waited in the hall watching the other mothers who had screaming and crying children.
Just a bit jealous.
But only a bit.
(because I was there last year with daughter and that is NOT fun)
My husband rang me up then and asked me first how I was doing and then how baby girl was.
He then told me to go home.
Which I did.
I was sad and lost at home.
But only for a bit.
I'm all alone now.
I don't know what to do with myself!
But really, it is only once a week, so I think I'll survive!