When I was growing up, I did not have an open and honest relationship with my mother. Looking back, there are many things I wish I had that I share with my own children today. If ever I was in trouble, needed something, or needed clarity, my mom was not the one that I would or could turn to. There was no one really. I couldn't speak to her about anything. She was always judgmental, if she loved me at all it was on her own terms, and she always withheld information that my curious mind was seeking.
I am committed to giving my kids honest information about anything they are asking. I learn every day from my children. They reteach me. They challenge me on so many levels. Every day brings something new with my children . . . a range of emotions, specific needs, various questions, (oh the questions). My basic answer when I am at a loss for words (and this happens often) is “I will have to look that up and let you know . . . ”. I don’t have all the answers for my children but I am committed to being truthful with them(especially since I did not have that as a child).
It is no secret that in this house we have been hoping for a new baby . . . for well over a year now. My children have overheard certain specific words and phrases around the house because of our fertility issues. Because my children are aware of the fact that momma wants another baby they have been asking questions along the way. They know that momma has eggs in her tummy and that momma's eggs are still "good" but she is still not getting pregnant. This information has sufficed for awhile.
I literally have been dancing around this topic for a year and knew more questions were coming. Somehow I was able to focus on what happens to the 'fish' and the 'egg', without ever addressing how they get together . . . until now. A couple of weeks ago my son shouts to me . . . "How does the fish(that was another days topic awhile back) get to the egg". And my daughter also shouts "yeah, momma, how?" I think to myself, Oh girlie, here we go, don't mess this up, I must be the mature adult here and not bust out laughing.
When and how to have “the talk” is crucial. I think it’s hard for all of us moms. How much information is too much? Too much too soon? I think every child is different. Honesty is all I know, but I would like to keep my children naive as long as possible. (Right?) They are growing up too fast. (too fast for me anyway)
Here’s how I see it . . . if my children are asking, I want them to come to me for information, not someone else(like I had to). I guarantee they will go wherever the answers are (I did)! So I have this book (It's So Amazing! A Book About Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families) with all the answers, hidden in a secret place whenever they are ready, which is obviously before I am, but it’s about them not me, to guide me.
So I took my son into his room and explained it to him, carefully and gently - to.my.7.year.old.son! I made it through without giggling as well. After wards he states "that's weird" & "I'm never doing that" Sounds good to me!! (hee hee) Then of course, my daughter wanted to know, so I told her in her bedroom, a bit different version appropriate for a 6 year old. She was fine with it. No comment, no nothing - girls are so mature! Once they were together in the same room I told them both that they were not allowed to repeat this to their friends or at school because I am not their friend's momma and only their parents need to tell them. My son states what should I not say again? So my daughter proceeded to tell him, word for word, what I told her! It was hilarious! I told my husband(he misses everything) the other day what happened and he was like, glad I wasn't there!
Knowledge is everything. I want my children to be able to make their own decisions. I will never shelter them. I will sensor many things, but when curiosity gets the best of them, I will give them the appropriate information, as I felt I did in this situation. I want them to be confident and strong enough to make solid decisions, based on truths from my mouth.
Any information from mom (that would be me) is better than no information. If you feel like you are not ready, GET READY!!!
Oh, and the other day my son asked me at dinner if I ever did "That" with daddy. I simply said, yes, how do you think I was able to have 3 beautiful children and he asked "did you like it momma"? I again said, I have 3 beautiful children my son . . . since then, he has been back to sleeping in my room (hmmm).