I have been having a lot of wishes, what-ifs and can I please have some greener pastures lately. I've lived in the Chicago area for more than half my life. Away from my family. For awhile, my brothers moved to this area, but they returned home. Home. Closer to family. Friends. Surrounded by loved ones.
I've always been very settled here in the city. I adore my city. Urban life has always suited me. But lately . . . lately . . . I have been wishing for something different. There have been huge moments of doubt lately . . . Is this city the place for our little family? Are we supposed to be here? I feel in my heart it is not. But, I'm not sure. Am I being selfish?
I feel a restlessness in me. It gets stronger as each season passes and I can’t seem to shake it. And yet . . . at the same time . . . I have this feeling that we are very much supposed to be here . . . at least for now. Do I just need to stop and be still? Am I listening to what I hear? O ram I hoping to hear something not there?
I really do not want to be still! I want to be where I feel enthusiastic every day. I want to feel inspired when I wake up. I need joy rushing through my veins and filling me up. I’m tired of here. I want my family. I miss my aunts. I miss my brothers. I miss the closeness. I miss the knowing looks. I miss the support. I miss my people. I miss people on my side. I miss not having to explain every word that comes out of my mouth. I miss laughing with people who love me(for ME) and adore me(for ME). I miss living life to the fullest and enjoying every single moment of it.
I really do adore where we are. But I don't love our confined lives. I miss fresh air and open roads. I want my children to experience the freedom I felt as a child. Freedom. I love that my husband has an awesome, fulfilling job and our children are able to be part of our a-mazing, wonderful homeschool academy. But, I don't love it here . . . anymore . . .
And yet . . .
Wishing . . .
Wishes . . .