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Is it ever OK to discipline your friend's kids?
But I can't discipline her child.
I figured this out on last week. We were out and she warned me that her little 3 year old was wound up. She also warned me that she was distracted because she was on-call at work. At one point, her son was running away and around and she was texting up a storm. For no reason I could discern, the little man came over from his whirlwind tornado and hurt my little one who was playing peacefully on the floor.
"wwaaahhh" went my little one and off the little Tasmania devil went again, running away at full speed, in circles. I scooped the little tyke up and set him down and looked my him dead in the eye and said firmly: "You need to stop. You need to stop right now."
He did. But I saw the look on my friend's face and it told me I had crossed a line. I didn't bring it up and neither did she, but the rest of the afternoon was little weird and I made sure not to interfere again.
Though I'm still not entirely positive that I did anything wrong (I mean the kid was hurting my child and acting up, and I simply told him to stop), I suspect there's some etiquette I don't yet understand. There must be a rule that says you're not supposed to reprimand other people's kids, even if those kids are being obnoxious. But believe me I have a friend who has no problem at all telling my kids when they have crossed the line with her (each person has their own personal boundaries and mine with my own children are very wide).
It's not the first time I've run into this problem. I have had plenty of incidents at parks and such where other children have just for not other reason than to be a brat, walk up to my child and pinch or bite them. Seriously! I do not (DO NOT) keep my mouth shut.
Here's the thing, I have no desire to tell other people how to parent, but when their children are behaving in an unacceptable way, what's an adult (bystander) to do?
Do you let the kid scream in your face? Do you allow a 4 year-old to wander into potential danger on your watch? I'm honestly perplexed by how to behave in these situations, but I'm sure everything I've done up until this point has not only been wrong, but somehow offensive too.
16 other tantrums:
I do it. I am a parent that will put another kid in place if need be. I don't care who is watching.
From that - I've had parents ask for advice on their children, and one couple asked me to move in.
i don't think you did anything wrong honestly. i've had to do the same thing and i look at it like this; SOMEBODY's gotta do something when things are getting out of control. it's not ok to let a child hurt another child.
i know she's your friend but if she's not going to be in control then she needs to not get upset at you when you are doing her job for her. if i were her, and so busy at the moment that i couldn't handle everything that was going on, i would have thanked you.
plus, i'm SURE you would have done the same thing if it would have been your child hurting hers.
I think you the right thing. you can't just stand back and let someone else's child hurt yours. If your friend's not going to handle it then you owe it to your child to do so. If she doesn't like that it's probably because she knows she was in the wrong.
You did the right thing and what I would have done.
My friends and I all have an understanding and we all get on to each others kids if they are being bad.
I will not let another child hurt one of mine without me saying a word...no way!
I belong to an etiquette board, and this issue comes up all the time.
Basically, the rule is that if they are going to hurt themselves or others, safety trumps etiquette.
However, if they are being annoying or not in danger, it's not really another parent's job to step in.
You know, if they're just being buckwild and crazy, that's one thing. But when they cause YOUR CHILD harm, then you have an absolute right to step in. Period. I think what you did was perfectly fine.
I'm lucky that I don't have a lot of friends with kids, and the ones that do have them don't care one bit if I discipline their children. But I am a parent's worst nightmare because I don't care if they like it or not, if kid is bothering me, I tell them in no uncertain terms to stop whatever they're doing NOW. I don't really care if the parents like it or not. If they cared about me and how I feel they wouldn't let the little monsters behave like that.
You did the right thing because if she's not going to discipline her child when he hurts someone else, then you have every right to tell him that what he did was not acceptable in your home or around your child.
I would discipline another's child if they were just sitting there doing nothing.
The line was crossed when her kids went too far and she did nothing about it. You showed your friend that that behavior may ok for her, but it's not ok for you.
Next time, she'll hopefully be stronger with the discipline.
I think you were fine. Really.
If another child is hurting one of my kids and their parent isn't doing anything, I always step in. Also, if a friend's kid is about to get hurt, I step in. (Or a stranger's kid like at a park or something.) It might be pushy but I can't just stand by and watch it happen.
Honestly I go both ways on this one. I have friends who discipline my children and vice versa - these friends are close to me and I have no problem with them stepping in and correcting my childs behavior if it needs it. However, there is a line for me. If I just met you or this is one of only a few meetings and you have a problem with my child, I believe the issue should be addressed to me. If I don't know you then I do not know your parenting style and anything you have an issue with can be brought up to me and I'll address it if necessary. That being said...safety should never come second. I don't think what you did crossed a line and if it was me I would be fine with it. If you had gone all crazy on my kid - then maybe not so much, but what you did was what any caring mother might have done.
~K
Oh, another thing. I wasn't always the way that I am now. I used to be embarrassed about stopping people's kids from misbehaving in my house or around me because I was afraid to "cross the line". Until I realized that a lot of parents were oblivious to their kids' behavior because either it had become "white noise" to them or they just couldn't handle their own child so they stopped trying. I remember a couple of kids years ago who came to my house and were sitting, and jumping on, the dryer's door. Back then I was too young and didn't want to cross the line. If it happened today I would stop the conversation, physically remove them from the dryer and told them that in MY house they were not allowed to do that because if they broke it they're parents were going to have to pay for it.
Ah, the question of the ages. My reaction depends on the kid's parents. Some parents can handle it- some can't.
I don't think you did anything wrong though.
If a kid is being obnoxious I would probably let it slide, but if a kid is causing physical harm to my daughter then I think I'd certainly say something.
I had an instance at the park the other week where a girl was older and overzealous and kept picking up my daughter every chance she got and trying to literally carry her around the playground. I didn't like it, but my daughter was cool with it and she wasn't being mean.
I think you were in the right to protect your child. You didn't spank the kid, you just gave them the evil eye and told him in so many words to cut it out. No problem in my book.
I have a strong opinion on this and it happens to be on your side. If the parent is not going to stop their child and that child is hurting my child? I WILL stop that child. Period. I don't care if it's a stranger's child.
Yes! No! I don't know. I have a friend who has strict house rules (that's ok) but when I'm around she doesn't follow thru. She's made it clear that she's fine with me disciplining her children, but I'M not ok with it. That's her job, esp in her house, ya know? (She will tell her son "no chocolate" and then he will go behind her back and get it. Really not sure about that boy.)
As for my own kids, sometimes I feel that others disciplining them is like they are saying "You aren't attending to your children!" but quite honestly, I can't pay attention to them ALL the time, esp and try to have a conversation with another adult.
It's all so confusing.
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